By Efio-Ita Nyok
1. The engagement and subsequent traditional marriage ceremony between the duo of Comedienne Wofai Fada of Ugep in Yakurr and Taiwo Olakitan Cole of the Cole Family of Victoria Island in Lagos is one of the most debated issues in Nigeria as I write.
2. This is because, the biological father of the groom, Mr Cole, has officially frowned at the marital union of Wofai and Taiwo through a press release, and the public wading in because of Wofai’s celebrity status.
3. The issues here are, in my opinion, that of patriarchy vs matriarchy (because the alleged absentee father isn’t endorsing the union whereas the mother has by physically attending the traditional marriage ceremony despite the father’s absence endorsed the union), wealth vs poverty (because the Cole’s family of VI are reportedly wealthy and the Fada’s family is perceived not to be as wealthy as the Cole’s, so she’s seen as a gold digger?), age disparity (because Wofai is reportedly older than Taiwo), legality (because of lack of consent of Taiwo’s father), communalism (perceived lack of consent of the groom’s family) vs individualism (two consenting adult can choose to love each other and cohabit irrespective of family approval and public acceptance) and the list continues.
My candid opinion
4. As far as marital union is concerned, age is but a number insofar as the duo of man and wife are compatible on important fronts. Why should a woman be younger and the man older? Why can’t it be the other way around? This smacks of male superiority and female inferiority. Or, are we saying that all the marriages of older males and younger females have performed better than the other way round? This narrative is shaky.
5. On wealth vs poverty, some including probably the Cole family have thought that marriage is all about materialism. So, you see the Cole Family using the phrase the ‘Cole heritage’ which arguably infers financial assets. By this they think Wofai is a gold digger? But, to begin with, Wofai’s family of parents are reportedly distinguished academics, Wofai has done so well for herself both as comedienne and actress in the entertainment industry and a chef in Lagos. Is Wofai a lazy girl? Obviously, she’s not. This argument falls flat on the ground.
6. On the legality of the marriage, why query the legality of the union because the father argued to be absent in Taiwo’s life was not present in Ugep whereas the mother was? Is marriage primarily (note the word ‘primary’) between two families or between two consenting adults of male and female? However, I agree, marriage secondarily should have the consent of the extended families. But, this is only secondary.
7. There’s a communalism vs individualism to this particular marriage: the Cole Family wants to endorse the validity of their son’s marriage to Wofai, failure of which they don’t recognise the new in-laws. The challenge with this is that most times we think that, in traditional Africa while collective ideals should override individual concerns, that the latter can never have its way. No. African communalism upholds individual autonomy, and Wofai and Taiwo have invoked that autonomy though to the disappointment of the Cole Family of Victoria Island. So, to say that Wofai wouldn’t have entered the marriage because her now in-laws aren’t in synch is a puerile argument.
8. Finally, it’s said that ‘love is a beautiful thing’ (I agree) and as such should harbinger happiness and the like values. Implying that Wofai and Taiwo’s union shouldn’t contradict the happiness, unity which is characteristic of love and thus marriages.
The 8th argument doesn’t in any way endorse the validity of the drama of the Cole Family of Victoria Island. Their endorsements are only secondary to the primacy of the consent of the duo of the two marrying love birds.
Love is a beautifully sacred thing.
Efio-Ita Nyok is a professional Blogger with over 10 years experience. He runs Negroid Haven and #DiaryOfAnAfricanBlogger. He writes from Calabar.
