I’ve learned a lot from the most unexpected people and places. I’ve realised that class, age or background doesn’t matter much when it comes to life lessons. This time, it was my new housekeeper.
She has this odd habit of leaving food uncovered while she’s busy. It doesn’t matter what meal—it’s always left open for a while before she serves it. I tried to correct her. Repeatedly. But she just kept doing it.
I was starting to feel frustrated until I noticed something: she treated her own meals the same way. She left them uncovered and cold until she was done with her tasks. That’s when it clicked—this wasn’t about how she treated my food. She was treating me the way she treated herself.
That changed everything for me. It reminded me of a popular saying: the way we treat others is often a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Like they also say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Someone once assumed I must’ve been shown a lot of love growing up because of how doting I am with my son. But the truth is, I didn’t receive that kind of love as a child. My mothering isn’t a reflection of my past; it’s a conscious choice. I had to learn how to nurture myself through life. I became intentional about how I treat my child. It might look natural to others, but it’s built on hard-earned lessons.
The thing is, how we treat others often stems from how we treat ourselves, or how we wish we could. Caring people? They show care because they’ve either mastered it for themselves or deeply understand its value. Loving people? They give the love they have or the love they long for. Kind people? Their kindness might come from a place of self-compassion, or from being their harshest critic and wanting better for others.
In the same way, people who are cold, mean, or even toxic are likely just projecting how they treat themselves. That doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it does put things in perspective.
So, when my housekeeper left the food open, I decided not to take it personally. She wasn’t being careless with me—she was simply reflecting how she treats herself. That taught me a lesson in patience and understanding.
Still, understanding doesn’t mean excusing everything. People are who they are, and we can’t force them to change. We can guide them, offer correction, and set boundaries, but the choice to grow is theirs alone. If someone is open to learning, then change is possible. If not, no amount of correction will make a difference.
What we can control is ourselves. By practising self-love, self-care, and self-awareness, we build the capacity to show up for others in meaningful ways. When we treat ourselves well, it overflows into how we treat others. The way we treat others truly does speak volumes about how we treat ourselves. So, let’s start there—with ourselves—and see how it transforms the way we engage with the world.
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© Bella Naija